I’m facing a distinct and daunting task today. A girl whom I used to date regularly is re-subscribing to her faith. In doing so she feels the need to make amends for the mistakes of her past. One of which she sees as our interaction. Now, most religions on the face of the earth today frown on pre-marital relations of most sorts, while our media moguls and fashion gods pump it down our throats like so much Molson in a dirty beer bong. With this constant war going on, what is ‘Right’ and what is acceptable are often worlds apart. So many of us live well within the bounds of acceptable and correct by society’s standards and in contradiction with what our faith teaches quite clearly. I received a call from her today at work and am supposed to speak with her again this evening after I am not tied up. Now I face the commission of forgetting myself; of having no agenda and simply existing on the most fundamental level of benign human interaction: Compassion.
As I am often wont to do, I caught up to Chris, my erstwhile spiritual advisor and long standing friend. I love talking to Chris because he is like the perfect sounding board, I can send all my thoughts and concerns at him and they all come back, just simplified and organized, Prêt-à -Porter. We talked at length about interaction between people, on physical and emotional levels. On the different ways we connect with people and the different roles we play in all their lives. It is always amusing to me how much of my life I have spent trying to be the hero, stalwart; trying to be what everyone needed. I was faced with what, to me, was a very important task: to redefine the nature of my connection with another human soul; someone for whom I connected with on some amazing physical and mental levels. Now I need to convey to this person that this new level of experience is entirely satisfactory; to explain that even though we are in very different places now, it’s ok. Chris said something pristinely proper previously, “The greatest thing about compassion is it sets you free – if all your activity is for other beings then there is no confusion about your direction. Wherever you are your mind only asks “How can I help you?” Confusion about what to do rests naturally and the mind quiets. That is the essence of peace. So if someone is thirsty, give them water. If they are hungry, give them food. If they are lazy, kick them out of your house.â€?
It’s a rare gift to have someone who can see past your physical attributes, and be interested in the person to be had inside your shell, behind the façade. It’s easy to understand that statement on the surface, but until it became a reality for me some time ago I never understood how important it would be. Now I get to repay that favor in spades. I get to truly desire nothing from this woman, not directly or indirectly in the way that so many symbionts run around leeching their self worth from the demands placed upon them by others. Today I don’t get to be the hero; I’m not the big man. Today I get to have an experience as being only the vessel of compassion. I get to try to experience not separating myself from everyone, I get to be as close to this person as I have ever been, no more sense of ‘I’ or what I need. It’s going to be intense.
At first I feel worried about what I will need to say. The more I think about it, it isn’t up to me to say anything. I have no job here today, I have no agenda and nothing to accomplish, and all I have to do is sit and listen. I won’t be able to tell her what she needs to hear or fix things for her; all I can do is give her water.
