I’ve spent the whole weekend with great people, hardly a moment to myself.
Fun folks, some of whom I’ve known for a years and many others whom I’ve only just met. I’ve had laughs and congeniality in abundance; and I can’t seem to relax. Not for a minute. I feel like a heroin addict. Waiting, waiting for the phone to ring; my dealer calling with my fix. Someone bring her to me. Bring her back and lock us away from all of this. I’m edgy, nervous, pacing. I’m sitting down trying to pour thick unrest out into this digital therapist. And it’s not working.
I’m isolated.
I am an extrovert.
I recharge and revitalize myself with the company of others. I am at my best and brightest with groups of people to bounce off of and interact with. Today they leave me more empty than before. I’m deluged with worthless moments and meaningless talk when all I need is the silent song of silken skin and the healing heat of her heart… too far distant to care.
Lock me away.
I’m a people person.
I can meet new friends anywhere. Strangers don’t exist, only friends I haven’t met yet. I love the easy connection I share with the rest of humanity. These people are making me feel inhuman; robotic and cheaply reproduced. I want something more. I need it or I’ll just shut down again and become the tin man that I feel. When can I start living my life again instead of just watching it fly past? Give me back my completion. Let me hold the thing that inspires and propels me through this mediocre existence.
Get away from me.
I’m independent.
I can take care of myself and handle whatever life throws at me. I have a front row seat to the most entertaining and engaging person I know every day. I hate myself today. I hate my weakness and I hate the need that arises in me every moment I am called on to breathe without a delicate hand in mine.
I need you.
