Cereal!!!

For some reason cold cereal was the predominant theme for my dreams last night… along with girls in black skin-tight leather outfits and Steve Irwin as a “Gigantic Bug Hunter.” I guess crocodiles weren’t enough of a challenge.

I dreamt mostly of the cheap kinds of cereal that you can buy in huge 40 pound fertilizer bags, not the expensinve trendy boxed versions. Cocoa Roo’s vs. Cocoa Puffs.

So I woke up and immediately ordered cereal from room service. I was delighted to see that I had received the fancy boxed kind of frosted mini wheats, and not the generic kind I keep hidden behind the boxes of heart-wise outmeal in my pantry. Lacking any real milk, room service just brought me an extra Rolling Rock to pour over my meal.

I spent an inordinate amount of time studying my beer and cereal this morning. I noticed that the fibers of mini-wheat (why don’t they use regular wheat?) are really much more fine than the generic version. They are slender and actually easily chomped up as opposed to the thicker and less costly version. Also, the Kellog’s version seems to soak up a significant amount of liquid as opposed to the generic. Before I even got the pieces into my mouth, they were sodden; completely soaked through.

Not only is the mini-wheat of a higher quality, the frosting was more evenly distributed and less clumpy. I can just Imagine that Kellog’s has kidnapped some of those poor bastard Keebler elves and is holding them in a sweat shop, painting the frosting onto the cereal with their magical brushes to put it on evenly. Who knew the sordid underbelly of the morning repast?

This has been a Public Service Announcement, paid for by the Commitee to Elect Captain Crunch.